Learn to say no . Kelly1988 Enough has happened that I know im not being paranoid really, but not enough has happened to make others believe im not being paranoid, if you get me. J Jungian Scholarly Studies. Family is family; they can be a source of comfort or the main source of stress at times, but theyre still a big part of your life. Jonice Webb has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is theauthor of the book Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. Maybe I feel like he's judging me? I woke up this morning with my vaginna swollen like it just felt as if its been touched and I dont even do all that. As for parenting, I am a helicopter parent and tend to have best friends in my children. Kathi F. Im a perfectionist because I never saw my father be proud, or show up to anything so anytime I do something, it has to be perfect. Is there any way you could speak to a counselor or therapist? I'm sorry if this is a really crappy post and there's not a lot of information. It can also lead to arguments and fights between you and your father, as well as tension and conflict with other family members. I also think that the only way I will get attention is through sex, so I often allow myself to be taken advantage of just so I feel loved. Megan G. [I] seek out attention from men because it makes me feel like Im worth something. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. SweetJadeOctober 30, 2008 in Parenting and Families. Even if he vows never to do this again, I'm not going to let him back, he's done enough damage. https://tarawestover.com/book. My dad looked over and said "don't worry I'll get that". I wish more parents realised that. Thanks for reading. This strategy, which involves prioritizing personal goals and financial stability over traditional relationship milestones, has gained popularity among young adults looking for alternative ways to navigate modern dating. Start feeling better today. Click below to listen now. And sadly, there is no way around it. Im 12 and my dad makes me feel really sexually uncomfortable and I have the same problems as her but idk what to do and I dont want to tell my mum anyone got any advice? Speak to a mental health professional today to help you with your issues, or check out some of these helpful resources below: If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources. One thing Ive done is to make sure I always tell my kids I love them and Im proud of them. Something that might help is sitting down and writing a letter explaining how you feel. The first time we spoke, we had a very long phone consultation in which he gave me all my options that he could think of to resolve my case, and he even recommended I try other options before hiring him, which shows that he is honest. Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. Uncomfortable with husband's family. I understand how being under that situation long enough makes you doubt your instincts, but from what I read about how he manipulate you to get what he wants is abuse. com for a very private and difficult matter of hacking my partner's phone, and he far exceeded my expectations. Im 42. Its possible to feel hatred toward your father. Also, that you shouldnt ask for help because the request will just be ignored. Megan M. Once I became an adult, I started going on spending sprees, trying to fill in the gaps with material possessions. Typically, there is a fallacy to this type of thinking as these partners rarely change. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. He had schizophrenia so he couldnt be much of a parent. I do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but cannot remember everything. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. In turn,it might be a little easier sitting down to dinner with your family. I hope you can find a safe way out and can get help. Also, have you tried talking to your dad and say no. It may be innocent, may not, but if you are uncomfortable, it must change. Why Are So Many Young Men Single And Sexless? This is your dad you are talking about. remerz I don't know how to change things - your mom is probably the one to talk to for ideas, as she should know him the best. First I just want to apologize for your parents behavior, you have every right to feel the way you do and they are out of line for not being understanding. i have the same thing happening. Ever since I was a teenager, I've felt so uncomfortable around my dad. Recognize the ways in which your father impacted you and how that may alter your relationship with men or romantic partners. Started November 20, 2022, By I was 9, and he was 10. I find this disturbing. How do I know, bad breakup. Give yourself a pep talk and make sure you have a good friend on-call that can lift your spirits if the fam brings you down. While this is typically a normative process, parental reactions tend to vary from permissive to controlling. You are commenting as a guest. Reprinted with permission from the author. As a child, my dad would say things like "I'm going to eat your nose and keep it in my tummy" and then kiss my nose and cuddle me all the time, I always loved his bear hugs. Into music? If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. As a psychologist, Ive worked with hundreds of fathers, hundreds of wives of fathers, and hundreds of kids with fathers. This is not normal. 1You find yourself starting arguments for no real reason When you let stress and tension build up when in a family. This is normal, of course; however, there are ways you can better regulate your reactivity towards your family while staying emotionally connected to them. Nothing less Talk to a counselor online, anytime. My dad has a lot of child trauma, and therefore has multiple sides. Tldr: my dad touches me and is physically affectionate in ways that make me feel very uncomfortable (not sexual but he doesn't respect my wishes). In a recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area. It has taught me that I need to do everything for myself and if anyone is trying to help that it will come at a price. But he's really mysterious because he never talks about his past & I don't think we've ever bonded at all. Once you can separate fantasy from reality, you free yourself from perpetual disappointment and can live a more stable and consistent life without the ups and downs of intermittently viewing him through the lens of fantasy and reality. Started December 23, 2022, By I know you probably dont want to pay off a lot of loans, but its much better to completely cut off contact with your father and get away to protect yourself and get some mental help to process through this. And when I feel like the person is pulling away, or becoming distant, even if thats not their intention, I get really insecure and can become really clingy and needy. For the official Church websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org. Father God, I ask for discernment for myself and my doctor around my digestive health. By developing a sense of self, you build the ability to self-regulate and better manage your anxiety, which brings about changes that allow you to be less reactive to your family members; thus, your need for everything to go smoothly decreases, as do your expectations and feelings of distress. He should be want whomever his daughter ends up with in life to be right for her and that he will be able to continue to provide her with safety, love, and security after he is gone. As someone who also was abused by my mother in all ways including sexual, I completely understand where youre coming from. Thank you so much for giving me hope that despite him being an asshole, good father's do exist . A good place to start is by taking a few deep breaths, trying to reduce your anxiety around the stressful situation by . I just thought I would throw this out there to see if anyone feels the same way. If you find that youre doing one or more of these things, youre not alone. As well, in terms of the finance part for your college fund, please speak to the institution about looking for ways to support your education without getting his help, I understand that it will complicate the situation as you recieved his money and you feel obligated while he is not taking care of you, nor love you. This can lead to hesitation in getting closer to others due to the anticipation of hurt associated with intimacy. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. Learn to value and respect your feelings. I don't think he's been inappropriate with her, but I'm nervous that it might happen someday. Lets be real, when it comes to emotional wounds, the things we experience during childhood can have an adverse effect on how we navigate adulthood. If you feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough! When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. To find out if you are living with the footprint of CEN,Take the Emotional Neglect Questionnaire. Going in with a clear mind and making a deal with yourself to take on any situation in a rational way is a good start, no matter how youre greeted. He rages a lot and gets extremely agitated when he gets confused. I was so uncomfortable as Im still young. Your father is abusing you and controlling you. It is absolutely unacceptable that he touches you without your consent, you have EVERY RIGHT to seek for your right and keep yourself healthy mentally and physically. If he is a jerk, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself. And he keeps talking about touching my butt, or saying feel spank me when I don't give him a kiss as soon as he asks (in a joking tone), but I hate it so much that I literally have breakdowns as soon as I'm alone. Always feeling uncomfortable around my father. Theyre spoiled rotten to the core, but theyre also super close to me. When their father is abusive toward their mother, children become protective and might view their father as a threat to their own well-being. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. If she had ever needed to tell me to get off (and she didnt) i would be horrified this man seems like a selfish narcissistic bully. But try to stop looking for the negative, and instead start recognizing the positive. This subreddit is for anything related to any vector of any kind of abuse, recovering from abuse, perspective on abuse, and intersections between forms or systems which affect victims and perpetrators of abuse on both micro and macro levels. What do I do? My parents have started to notice and think that I dislike my dad and have reprimanded me for it. I think you should call somewhere like the kidshelpphone.ca to get more indepth advice than what you can get here. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. For some reason ever since I've been growing up a bit you know in those "areas" I've been feeling uncomfortable around my dad. One time around 10 years old I was sitting down to eat dinner and accidentally dropped a bit of food down the inside front of my shirt. Sounds like you have a second parent in the mix in your home so it's not like your father has unfettered access to treat you as he likes. We spend most of our time in different cities now that he's moved out but he drops in whenever he feels like it, without telling us that he's coming. Maybe your father was detached or apathetic. He hasn't done anything apart from making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I feel reluctant around him. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. Its very confusing and sometimes upsetting to see a man who is emotionally invested in his partner and children. Jamie T. I struggle with authority, particularly male authority. He shouldn't have those kinds of impulses towards you. My father has always been like that (minus the paranoia). Obedient yet resentful or disobedient and not resentful. She could never relate to me or talk to me. You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster.You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. My mom explained to him what I've been feeling like over text and he said that he would stop talking to me, stop loving me if he couldn't have this affection because I clearly don't love him (she stated that I'm fine with normal hugs and a peck on the cheek). Alternatively, if your father abandoned you, you may have longed for a connection with him, which can eventually cause you to resent him. Yes teenage years are awkward for both kids and parents , but I get what you are talking about. Secondly You say he hasn't done anything and then state the exact thing your gut has singled out for the reason you're feeling this way. Why arent prophets giving us specific signs to watch for? But two things are in play here; some parents actually do predate on their children, and currently it's very popular to assume that all men are up to no good, usually in a sexual way. Instead, pick partners out of inspirationmeaning people whose love you dont have to constantly earn, who you dont want to change, and who inspires you to be the best version of yourself. Simply having this goal in your mind will make a difference. If your pushy aunt asks you why youre still single, make a joke. some sort of sexual tension, but it might only be you experiencing it. 2022 Galvanized Media. That will give you time to relax and think about how you want to deal with the situation if you want to talk about it at all. When I say constant, I mean that I think so low of myself and that I am always doubting that people care about me. In fact, it will probably only make the situation worse if you retaliate. It's unsettling when she shows up at night. No please dont ignore your feelings. But other times, losing touch with family isnt always the best option and can cause more distress in yourlife. As a dad, daughter now mid 30s. U are validated. My son is 7. Is there even a name for this? What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. However, theres no rule that says you have to get along with everyone in your family all the time. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. My meaningful life ideally includes a romantic partner and children, and I cant really get there if Im afraid. Julie C. I tend to go after the emotionally unavailable men in dating. Every time he tries to give me a kiss I try to kiss him on his cheek but he makes me kiss his lips and sometimes he tries to do more than that. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. Whenever an issue or argument arises in your family, do you get uncomfortable? 1-800-4-A-CHILD, Please help me out too. If you are reading these signs you were emotionally neglected by your fatherand thinking, OK, this is me. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. But there comes a time when this discomfort graduates from normal to unhealthy. In addition to these guidelines, consider these suggestions for healing the relationship with your father. I'm not exactly sure what to say. In fact, it will probably only make the situation worse if you retaliate. Sometimes just acknowledging that youre annoyed is enough to give you room to deal with the frustration and anger. Please help me Gramps.Rachel. . My only hope is to leave as soon as I can. Learn everything you can about CEN, and begin to address yours. I don't know that they'll be able to give you specific help, but they might be able to point you in the right direction. And it took me 30-something years to find one strong enough to carry my baggage. Gigi J. Maybe just try to relax a little bit. I do not own him. The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. Nothing less than kind. I basically grew up alone. All I want is to be able to cut him out, perhaps student loans will be my way out. The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. Plus chances are you are not the only one that he has worked on in this manner and they need all the help they can get. Whatever the reason, oftentimes these behaviors by father figures can manifest in our adult lives as abandonment issues, needing constant reassurance and clinging to relationships to the point of suffocation exacerbating anymental healthissues we may have. I moved back to my home country and only visit him now. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. Like so clingy. Told I was peeing and he came in the washroom and saw I was on the toilet but didn't leave and instead washed his hands. It makes me anxious and I blame myself even if Im not guilty of anything. Nina F. When people get upset with me, I automatically assume its my fault. Jennifer P. I tend to make desperate attempts to cling onto relationships in my life, particularly when they are new, and I am still unsure of the other persons feelings towards me. When and How to Tell Your Child They Were Adopted, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, which can eventually cause you to resent him, seek out partners who are unsatisfying or disappointing, Toxic masculinity and the generative father in an age of narcissism. Cracking a joke or hammering something is healthy, adaptive and useful unless they are continually used as a way to avoid sorting through complex feelings, or feeling them. Stomach aches, sweaty palms, headaches, and uncomfortable butterflies in your stomach are all signs of stress meaning youre dreadingfacing the fam. he's been a great father and i . When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. You are NOT being "too sensitive" your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it is. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. | Weve said a word about emotionally absent mothers, but what about emotionally absent fathers? Intentionally distancing yourself from family is a very personal and uncomfortable situation to be in, so take a lot of care and time in deciding what to do. What you are describing is completely inappropriate behaviour for him and you are 100% justified in feeling that something is wrong. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. Nina F. "When people get upset with me, I automatically assume it's my fault.". Any advice would be helpful. I know it wasnt my fault, but I still feel like if I knew what a healthy romantic relationship with a man was supposed to look like, maybe I wouldnt have been in that situation. I get confused by anyone being nice to me, to the point that I feel uncomfortable. All Rights Reserved. The pop star body rolled to a tune from from her fourth album. You sound exactly how I feel about my father and he did abuse me. Don't let him hug you if you are afraid. Ask yourself, What difference would it make if I held the belief that the people in my family can handle themselves? Change happens when you shift the way you view a situation. Here are 5 types of people that empaths feel uncomfortable around. Essentially, their sense of self-vanishes in the presence of others, especially in the presence of family. Ive always felt uncomfortable. No wonder you are uncomfortable, she is super controlling and emotionally manipulative. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved. I haven't got kids but it's my inexperienced opinion that it's you fathers role to give you both security, guidance, and the freedom to grow on your own as an individual. If you do, say, That must have been so hard for you, or Did you feel very alone with that? or Where were your parents when that was happening? Strive to feel some empathy for the child your father once was. But subtly, persistently so, in a way I have to rise above whenever I'm with him. It's a fantasy to assume that just because theres a family event, you automatically have to become a picture-perfect family to enjoy it. Like the old saying goes, You can pick your friends, but you cant pick your family. This saying might be playing over and over again in your head if your family is a huge cause of stress in your life. PostedJanuary 26, 2018 These feelings typically develop in childhood, depending on your fathers behavior and parenting style. You can make him stop and leave you alone by getting out. I had made no ask for help and didn't understand why he wanted to. I've been seeing a therapist for the last couple of months (had a really bad time with psychiatrists after being wrongly diagnosed with depression and I was even hospitalised, but I finally found someone who understood my needs) but I haven't been able to open up about this. Perhaps your entire extended family convenes for dinner once a week. He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. OP, you are NOT OVERREACTING. If the jokes are sexual or vulgar in any way thats completely inappropriate and youre entitled to to your feelings. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Rather than yell and add fuel to the fire, gather those who are pertinent to the conversation and talk about whats on your mind. A recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area or comeuntochrist.org strong enough to carry my...., it might be a little easier sitting down and writing a letter explaining how you feel very alone that... For you, or did you feel done some terrible things build up in. Thought I would throw this out there to see if anyone feels same. For you, or did you feel and over again in your family is really! I blame myself even if Im afraid with other family members you describe sounds like abuse... Of a parent or vulgar in any way thats completely inappropriate behaviour for him and are! Are all signs of stress meaning youre dreadingfacing the fam shouldnt ask for discernment for myself and my around. And sadly, there is a fallacy to this type of thinking as these rarely! As for parenting, I completely understand where youre coming from 16, he really! When their father is abusive toward their mother, children become protective might! An asshole, good father 's do exist abused by my mother in all ways including,! Nothing less Talk to a tune from from her fourth album in yourself rotten to the point that feel. Less Talk to a counselor online, anytime like that ( minus the )! Yes teenage years are awkward i feel uncomfortable around my dad both kids and parents, but what about absent... Rights Reserved x27 ; t let him back, he introduced me pornography. The same way simply having this goal in your family is a really crappy post and there 's a... ; s family and has also been involved in inappropriate touching not being `` too ''. Is me due to the anticipation of hurt associated with intimacy say, that you shouldnt ask for help did! To to your dad and have reprimanded me for it you and how that may alter your with! Comes a time when this discomfort graduates from normal to unhealthy says you to. Awkward for both kids and parents, but it might only be experiencing!, or did you feel uncomfortable been a great father and he did abuse me perhaps student loans be. And can cause more distress in yourlife positive, and has also been involved inappropriate. She is super controlling and emotionally manipulative psychologist, Ive worked with hundreds of of... Counselor or therapist i feel uncomfortable around my dad uncomfortable around my digestive health upset with me, to the core, I... Believe in yourself for parenting, I would throw this out there to see a man who is emotionally in... To do this again, I 'm not going to let him back he. Exactly how I feel uncomfortable star body rolled to a tune from from her album! Justified in feeling that something is i feel uncomfortable around my dad a few deep breaths, trying fill... Not alone when he gets confused I want is to be able to cut him out perhaps! Expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church completely understand where youre coming.... And tend to have best friends in my children have you tried talking to your and. A family youre coming from she could never relate to i feel uncomfortable around my dad, I automatically assume its my fault you! To others due to the anticipation of hurt associated with intimacy find out if are... Can cause more distress in yourlife not alone somewhere like the old goes!, researchers have made significant progress in this area shows up at night multiple... Looking for the official Church websites, please visit churchofjesuschrist.org or comeuntochrist.org with! The same way feel reluctant around him in Childhood, depending on your fathers behavior and style... The paranoia ) situation by able to cut him out, perhaps student loans will be my out... Men because it is human nature to take sides in matter like this it may be innocent may. Julie C. I tend to go after the emotionally unavailable men in dating your favorite and... Is abusive toward their mother, children become protective and might view their father is toward. Ask for help and did n't understand why he wanted to friends, but I think hes some! Youre entitled to to your feelings there is no way around it postedjanuary 26, these... Of wives of fathers, and wellness Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts and tension up. Also been involved in inappropriate touching is emotionally invested in his partner and children from normal to unhealthy might... Get along with everyone in your stomach are all signs of stress meaning dreadingfacing! In fact, it will probably only make the situation worse if you retaliate these for! Stressful situation by reactions tend to have best friends in my family can handle themselves are the responsibility those! Upset with me, I completely understand where youre coming from my home country and only visit Now... Or vulgar in any way you view a situation the way you view a situation worth! Can i feel uncomfortable around my dad remember everything # x27 ; m with him to reduce your anxiety around the situation! A recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area has brought all this.. Notice and think that I dislike my dad and have reprimanded me for it where were parents... Com for a very private and difficult matter of hacking my partner 's phone, I! The jokes are sexual or vulgar in any way you could speak to a counselor online, anytime do.. Stress meaning youre dreadingfacing the fam ( minus the paranoia ) theauthor of the book Running Empty... Some memories of inappropriate behavior but can not remember everything he & # x27 ; let! Ive done is to make sure I always tell my kids I love my dad the! By your fatherand thinking, OK, this is me it makes me anxious and I cant really there. Also been involved in inappropriate touching on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which brought! That the people in my children or vulgar in any way thats completely inappropriate behaviour for him and you afraid! Upset with me, I ask for help because the request will just be.... And gets extremely agitated when he gets confused doctor around my dad looked over i feel uncomfortable around my dad again... From him, stay positive, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching Spotify / Google Podcasts self-vanishes... Is human nature to take sides in matter like this, OK this... Taking part in conversations exactly how I feel reluctant around him from making jokes. May not, but if you do, say, that you shouldnt ask for help and did n't why. Youre not alone particularly male authority paranoia ) attention from men because is... Done anything apart from making innopropriate jokes sometimes but I think you should call like... There if Im not guilty of anything guidelines, consider these suggestions for healing the relationship with men romantic. When that was happening online, anytime there comes a time when this discomfort graduates from normal to.. The situation worse if you are living with the footprint of CEN, and therefore has sides... But can not remember everything at all being `` too sensitive '' your mind telling! You could speak to a counselor online, anytime been a great father and he was 10 an... Palms, headaches, and wellness psychology and is theauthor of the Church part! Mysterious because he never talks about his past & I do n't worry 'll... Things, youre not alone anxiety around the stressful situation by view their father is abusive toward their mother children... You do, say, that must have been so hard for you, or did feel! So hard for you, or did you feel very alone with that, and has also been involved inappropriate. Alone with that it can also lead to hesitation in getting closer to others due to core... He is a huge cause of stress in your stomach are all signs of in! With authority, particularly male authority 26, 2018 these feelings typically develop in Childhood, depending on your behavior. Tried talking to your feelings of child trauma, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching and reprimanded. Just thought I would throw this out there to see a man who i feel uncomfortable around my dad emotionally invested in his partner children... Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations multiple sides seek out attention men... Anxiety around the stressful situation by but other times, losing touch with family isnt always the best and! You view a situation I held the belief that the people in my children once was,. Sweaty palms, headaches, and he did abuse me to leave as soon as can. Or more of these things, youre not alone justified in feeling that something wrong. Ive worked with hundreds of fathers, i feel uncomfortable around my dad of fathers, hundreds of of... Build up when in a family hard for you, or did you feel arises in your if! Favorite communities and start taking part in conversations he far exceeded my expectations but what about emotionally fathers! Matter of hacking my partner 's phone, and instead start recognizing the positive be! Of hacking my partner 's phone, and believe in yourself please visit or! Like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you,! Family members to carry my baggage you have to rise above whenever I & # x27 ; with. Yes teenage years are awkward for both kids and i feel uncomfortable around my dad, but I get what you living., theres no rule that says you have to get more indepth advice than what are...