We lived together in my apartment for about a year & a half. He used to do things for me but it seems like he doesnt do anything. He said that he knows he loves me but that he felt like I dont care for him. Im still dissatisfied I guess. He begged and begged for me to forgive him, that it was mistake. He doesnt think. we see each other once a week, he invites me to his place at 9pm only to sleep together. And im an amazing girlfriend. Ugh. he is the most amazing boyfriend i have ever had or so it was a little while ago. He also said he wouldnt be going into the shop that sold the tea I needed. I know he is a shy guy, this isnt personal to me hes like it with his friends and they have shared this with me. His self-absorbtion is engrained and chronic- and not my issue to fix. This is my first affair and his 2nd. I said sorry like 4 times before I hung up. Hi Beyza! but he declined and even accused me as a selfish and demanding girlfriend. Can Your Husbands Affair Be Good for Your Marriage? We used to go on dates once or twice a week. (He still didnt) I asked him to please text me if he was going to be late and he got upset with me. So any advice for me would be great! I MEAN EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN LIFE BUT I WOULD INSIST ON HIM CHANGING THE DRINKING NOW OR LATER YOU COULD BE LIVING MY LIFE. Hes lives far from me so our relationship was based off of ft. We would stay up all night on the phone and talk and then he slept during the day but he sometimes would call me. I love him very much and I know that he loves me but deep down i often wonder how much i mean to him or if i mean much at all. i jst think hes all abt himself and idk wht do. Works always. I try to help him to make it easier for him since I know he has a lot on his plate but he doesnt seem to notice that. Just stay silent. Hi I have been in relation with my boyfriend for 3 months now. I said fine. Weve been together for almost 3 years and Ive stuck out the lack of attention for about a year and it really hurt. I dont think that birthday present is coming, but if it ever does, it will probably be your last. He would always talk about me meeting his family and he discussed me moving in with him eventually. Start by letting go slowly. This is the real way to be happy and stop wanting for his love or validation to make you happy. If I were you Id take a break and keep your heart open for a new partner who is more compatible with you and whos needs match with yours, at least whos match a bit more than he does. Sometimes even i dont get it,If im asking for too much. Even after arising that issue betwn us, he didnt make any efforrs to regain my trust for him. He is so passive. We dont barely talk to each other. We talked about it seriously the 2nd year. I really love him and he is my first. Im still waiting on unemployed from when I lost my ft job in Sept. My tuition for spring is late. And boom..you would be able to leave him to be single and be open for someone whod treat you just the way you deserve. i just dump my 2mnths loveless relationship before it gets deeper. Ask them, I feel like youre ignoring me. I was in an abusive relationship before so its scary having to trust someone and their intentions. What do you think? Wow!Same here. Hello Laurie, thank you for writing the article. And cant make money, i have no car! I would like him to make effort, look up someplace Id like and invite me to go. I also pay all the bills, budgeting, grocery shopping. I cant say no because if I do I feel like Im being lazy and letting them down, plus they get mad at me for saying no. Im not sure where you landed with your relationship, but I hope things are better for you. I feel like my house is just a hotel and he pays his family for meals but doesnt give me a dime. He says he loves me but I dont see him actively showing his love. ? I said ok. Hes now working at a new job since Jan and its great! But I am tired of not having a life together anymore. It took him 2 days to notice something. It has still been difficult for me since we spent so much time together. Im a modest gal. While you should always feel free to express yourself and say whats on your mind, take a good look at the way you're communicating. Even seemingly harmless criticism and patronizing comments, too, can take a toll. I just badly like him and want to care of him. Its exhausting when you are the one doing the heavy lifting. But we should start taking care of ourselves more. Dont settle for this. He always said that its his first relationship and he doesnt know how to behave like a boyfriend. I cant let go of people. You can let go slowly at first and just start seeing other people. I love him a lot- weve been together for 2.5 years- but Im starting to realize that despite my feelings for him, I cant continue on in the relationship if he isnt willing to understand my feelings and desires. He loves Instagram and has a fitness page, and is constantly posting pics on it and putting up stories of his everyday life. We currently are not speaking its been three days, and this has been the longest fight weve ever had, since we always try fixing it right away and I feel like weve just gotten so exhausted and Ive just been so sad over the lack of effort he used to give. 's life, you're sending clear signals that your partner isn't important to you. If your boyfriend or others say that youre expecting too much, read 11 Ways to Stop Being the Clingy Girlfriend in a Relationship. for example, yesterday, he gave me a box of chocolates only because his mom made him and i usually have to make the first moves, even if its something simple as reaching out to hold hands. Its also about giving a relationship the time He just doesnt understand why. What if he says he doesnt want to acknowledge the time weve been together? He always gives excuses such as I just ate and no matter what I still put my pride aside and do it for him. Its too much. I already had plans and I put a hold on being too available. i want to try to talk to him about it since we never argued or anything but ive been feeling this way for quite a while and i dont want to just break up with him like that. Why doesnt he show his love? HE ALWAYS FORGETS. My bf has been acting distance from me lately. We have so much in common, yet not at the same time. He is failing to realize that I am being affected too. I did confront him regarding that and he said he still feels the same.But his recent actions have been bugging me and I cant help but feel like hes ignoring me on purpose,like hes tired of me. My boyfriend recently broke up with me. i understand with everything going on it is hard, but that was an issue with my ex-husband after we had kids. He nolonger would make as much effort, like call or text to check on me. Whats the point ? Because you are a happy individual yourself, he would feel lucky to share his life with you. And making me look like a beast, I spoke with that lady and she felt bad for the text she send me, she even offered to take me out, I agreed to that, she was telling me how his boyfriend has been suspecting the two of them, how his boyfriend has been mistreating Herr and my guy has been always their for her, I believed everything she was telling me, I was still angry with my guy because he lied, one Sunday I received a call from my boyfriends friend, he told me that my guy has been having an affair with his girlfriend from January, he even showed me some photos, my guy and that lady were kissing, even he bought flowers for her on valentines day, I couldnt believe that the guy Ive known for 2yrs can do that to me, after the news I went to my guys house at 9pm, guess what? Also, Ive been having a lot of cheating dreams but Im assuming its because he doesnt make me feel secure in the relationship because of the change. We continue dating but not once did he ever bring up talking about all that he mentioned. It had been more than a month since I had last talked to him. How come? Or, ask them for more details. He works constantly and Im a stay at home dog mom (Recently weve been wanting kids). I get 2-3 texts a day and I have to call him every few days just to hear his voice. After going through with this behaviour for around 3 months (I was going insane) I caught him lying and speaking to a number of females behind my back as more than just friends. I dont know why he continues on with me if he has no interest. Never happened. This person uses sarcasm to take me down a peg, even after I said that Im not here for that. I feel like we should break up but as I say he is my life its really difficult and I dont want to hurt him. I simply did it because I knew I wasnt perfect and I wanted to become the women I needed to be for him. Hes sees things in one paranoid way only, that Im selfish and dont really love him and just like the things he can give me. He has way more money than me and said he didnt do anything because he was angry at me. I asked him to go to a Valentines Day dance and we went. So any advice would be helpful. And thats what messes with me a lotwhy doesnt he want to do the same for me. Then once the virus hit, he completely changed. Like by shouting Im gonna get scared or intimated. I told him I loved him and the only reason why I would ever leave him is if he cheated on me. How you approach your boyfriend depends on his personality, your style of communication, and your relationship. I asked when he might feel comfortable seeing me again. Fine, dont come. After a few nights of him treating me bad, he noticed that I was about to leave him so stopped drinking when we would go out because he didnt want to be aggressive with me anymore. I just see so many girls that have boyfriends who do so much to keep them happy, it just feels like my boyfriend stopped trying. Its also heartbreaking, especially when you want to be with him. (this actually backfired) and caused huge tension and we nearly broke up several times, but when i tried to give him more space to understand his situation, my worst fears came true because we started talking less and less. He also is financially stressed and gets seasonal sadness (its winter here in Wisconsin) and I try my hardest to support his needs with it all but it drains me always having to take care of him while I get nothing in return except more expectations. We getting in touch a few years ago, but it didnt last long, didnt end it either, he just went to silent. Yet he continues to text me daily, send me daily updates on everything he is doing, etc. You wouldnt be HERE if you thought your gut was wrong. Hes now begging for me back , saying hes going to change. Hey so Ive been in a relationship for about 2 years now. i would say hes a selfish person because all he cares is himself. I have 2 dogs who give me so much love and fulfillment. Its hard for me to talk about it with him because he gets sensitive but he doesnt show it. You didnt like THAT answer, did you? And youll likely receive the same treatment. As well BALANCE is a VERY hard thing for men I have learned. I dont know what to do. But Im starting to realize my own self worth. Which really confuses me. You need to recognize that youre settling for less than you deserve. Help. THEY ARE DRINKING AN BECOME LAZY. I feel that I am confused and disappointed. he doesnt make efforts and always makes excuse saying that hes too weak to go out and have a date.whenever we see each other we only stay at his room. I know youre ignoring me, but I just want to know why or what I did to you? If you Anyway I would talk about these things with him and he would make progress, but then get right back to the same place shortly after. Hopefully, these reasons will let you know the answer if you are wondering why did he stop talking to me. We must set boundaries and let no man cross them. Besides, if hes almost 60, he might be a little old for you. Recently,he told me hell be busy with work and i tried to understand our situation right now..But he i feel like he doesnt seems to give much effort for this relationship to get closer. Still, surprises still pop up often enough to keep you on your toes. Men have convinced themselves that their behavior, or lack thereof,is an acceptable form of the love they claim to feel for a woman because we as women gave them the power to choose to face themselves like women do OR be a coward and avoid the part of themselves that isnt always pretty and shovel it into the mind and soul of a women who is willing to suck and swallow upon his command. I feel like I have to bow down to him because its always his way. But I cant help but fear the same thing would happen again anytime soon.Im also an overthinker and I feel like hes losing interest cause hes been recently behaving like this frequently. He expressed his anger in silence. Oh, also he keeps poking my stomach and at first it was funny and cute but now its genuinely annoying and Im trying to tell him to stop but he doesnt take me seriously and just kind of turns it into a joke. Part of me struggles with feeling like this relationship is way way past it expiration date and needs to be taken out back and put out of its misery but at the same time and I just struggling with what is a natural and normal transition into a long-term relationship? Just because you have no family, dont let that make him think that he is the one whos there for you and hence, he can decide to love you when he wants to. I know we also havent been talking quite as much because were both busy with work. I get it Im not a good gamer but I like the company. Please give me some advice pleaaaase. In the first half year it was the same and then overtime he gave up completely or thats how it feels like. I made it to the driveway before I felt so uncomfortable I ran inside to put on jeans and a tee shirt. When I got back to our dorm that night I ft him and told him it felt right but It was also an accident. You believe your boyfriend loves you, but he stopped showing his love in tangible ways. But, he still seems emotionally unavailable in that he doesnt know how to express his feelings for me, or reassure me. WIth or without them. I could write a book about the unfolding sh*t show rollercoaster I worried from that start of meeting the man of my dreams would end up being. I am not an emotionally stable person I take meds for anxiety and depression and have for years now. I guess in the end we need to decide if hes worth all this heartache. He said he wanted to have a deeper talk about expectations and his four years old son before we can be official. Be objective: how well do you know your boyfriend? Is he telling me things just to shut me up or does he blurt things out impulsively. One of the issues I have had for almost 2 years is that he does not put effort to see me. I feel stuck, tired and so vary heavy like every step I take is being pulled back by large bricks as everyone else passes by at a much faster rate. He takes everything personally like if I do something incorrectly or answer him the incorrect way or something he immediately snaps, f-bomb dropping included. Dont turn a blind eye on things that are sign showing and you are not happy for them. And I get it, hes never been through the same things but I expect that. When this happens occasionally, it's normal, but consider it a red flag if it's happening constantly. And I hardly have any money since I am paying for literally everything. Do you feel loved? It confuses us because we know the love ie there. I dont know what to do or how to feel.. Im trying to figure out if its his depression thats making him stress to make more money as well as not doing anyrhjng for me or the home we live in, or if he truly doesnt care for me or my feelings and Im just here for the mean time to do things for him? And because Ive been depressed lately makes it that Im not much to look at, so why would he want to take me out now. Dont forget, you deserve affection, effort, and communication. When a guy stops texting you it is likely to It took several conversations where I told him i needed him to be the one to ask me to meet up and reach out more often, as it made me feel loved. How much time should I spent apart from him and not talking to him? He is so patronizing and cold and arrogant towards me like now he does not need me since he was opened up and exposed to all these new awesome, smart, relatable people. I have been dealing with a lot lately. I dont think he knows how a relationship works or I am just difficult to be with. Should I stay? It breaks my heart not talking to him and hearing about his day but I know this was for the best. 2 years ago I started dating this guy and I knew then with him about a year and a 1/2 ago he made it clear that he still loves his ex wife but due to my health circumstances I had no choice but to move in I had nowhere else to go for me and my kids. My boyfriend of three years got me a card. Its not too much to ask- its very basic. I think the best thing to do would be to withdraw and give him space. He bought her a Mothers Day card. Just a text. My boyfriend and I have known each other since I was 18 years old. He says it just happened because we live in the same house, so it doesnt matter. Girl, thats not fair to you. Weve been together a year and a half now. He Is Nervous. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Its not just a lack of attention. I dont have any family where I live to help out. InWhen He Doesnt Make Time for You: How to Create More Love in Your Relationship, Byron Katie shows a man how to build a better relationship by questioning thoughts such as I want him to spend more time with me.. it just makes me sad. should i stay or let go? Thats the one thing that i really expect. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. Let YOU be your super woman! feels as though what they say doesn't matter (and they've stopped talking altogether), then look within. fyi, he was at a party yesterday until 6am. I signed up for therapy and told him that if my behavior was hurting him, that I was willing to change. please give me an advice. I dont think it is good to waste peoples time. Open your heart to Jesus; listen to His call on your life. I love my partner but I just feel like Im too smothering to him, I thought this was how you ought to be in a relationship. I found the place, set up the lease. Ask yourself what could be causing your boyfriend to pull away from you. Mildly work related topics but no reason for the call other than chat and vent. I feel angry and resentful that going to school took him away from me while he was basically unavailable and busy. A week after that, I was at a summer camp and me and him were on ft. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Putting yourself in your boyfriends shoes is important when youre wondering what to do about his lack of effort. Hot and cold. Hed say something really mean, watch my cry and if I asked to talk about it, Hed tell me why do we have to always talk about it or why cant you just drop it and not bring it up my favorite was Im not apologizing because Im not sorry, you just like making a big deal over nothing one time I asked about marriage (he took me to the red wood Forrest and asked me to marry him 2 years prior to this comment) he told me hed never marry a b**ch. WebHe gets upset when he sees me giving attention to other guys but goes back to ignoring me when I give him attention. I dont always have it my way though because hes dealing with personal problems that have stretched for months. He was blowing me off each and every time. A relationship without dates lacks romance and passion. So in my situation, I live with my boyfriend for about a year now in which we did move too fast because we moved in together after about 6 months of dating. He did have a hard time texting back or talking and thats what brought me to posting the initial question. Its Valentines Day and this is the only holiday or day in general I care about. Everyone always says how Couples always fight, but that was never us. I cant meet anyone else because everyone else doesnt want to be in relationships just sex or they are talking to other girls. He say that he dosnt want to sex with me. I DO ALL THE LAUNDRY, VACCUMING , DISHES ,MOPPING, ALL THE CLEANING. Im going through the same thing now. He never makes an effort to pick me up or come over my house. My boyfriend had a terrible marriage and an even worse divorce. He doesnt pay me a visit at our house- he actually did, 3 times to be exact (there was a celebration in those times). I so desperately want a date once in a while wether its once a month so we can enjoy each other and so i can feel like hes doing something special with me AND so i wont go crazy spending every moment in the HOUSE. That should be enough. I just want to stop his really hurtful and insensitive way of fighting. If your boyfriend never made an effort to begin with, then he may simply be lazy or indifferent to building and maintaining a relationship with you. Been with my a few years. Hi Jessica, Sweetie this man is never going to love you the way you want him too.He may love you the only way he knows how and its not a healthy kind of love by your comments. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and will be 4 years this August. I question why after knowing what he knows, he wont even try to talk to me. FUnny thing is that he will get on a call with an annoying know it all bitch he works remotely with and chat. My BF is of course devastated and angry. Im an essential worker so I work fulltime while he sits at home playing video games all day long. Even though hes not there, I definitely dont sit home pining away for him. He broke up with her partner before we had sex they already messed up before me. If your self-image is shattered because your boyfriend stopped making an effort, then youre expecting too much from him. I feel he could have a gf or just not be that interested. I have gone through stuff and I am usually everyones rock but even I need space from time to time. I have told him time and time again that this is something i need in a relationship and he admits to not doing enough but has NEVER changed. I was told by my therapist that I could be the one to plan the date myself and ask him out and even though I completely agree with her on that, I cant help feel now that if I were to do that and ask him on a date that he will think that he doesnt ever have to put in the effort of planning something, anything, and that if he waits long enough I will plan it for us so he doesnt have to. He has no end of time for himself. He dismisses your emotions. Its a painful truth. Or he took them off somewhere he shouldnt have between home and work and left them or maybe regifted to one of his cohort? My name is leonna and I have been seeing this amazing guy for 3 months now. June 2019 meet my boyfriend, July 2020 get fire from a 2 year job, November 2020 get fired from 3 month job and currently still unemployed. Overuse of the phone, computer, social media, and video gamesalong with an unwillingness to unplug even after being askedis a big departure from the early "getting to know you" phase of your relationship when all conversations seemed interesting and all concentration was focused on your time together. He never plans to visit me unless I ask him when hes coming, like he doesnt do anything unless I nag him, and I dont want to be a nagging person so I thought its best we go separate ways and see if we can work it out. Hes doing it deliberately. Last week,for like 2/3 days hes been quiet and inactive. he briefly mentioned his bad experience with exes, he had two years marriage and he said he felt it was too long. He has his mum doing everything for him. Instead of wishing things were different, practice accepting the fact that you cant change your boyfriend or make him want to spend time with you. I clean, cook, bring him sandwiches to his work, take care of the dog while he does nothing. Maybe hes just tired from working too much? So he does nothing. There are sometimes I try to talk to him about my day, and he is listening but he doesnt engage or seem interested. So, I hate to call him my boyfriend because he is late 50s and I am 47. You deserve so much more. A. Its hard to let go of someone you love, and its not that easy for me. Its been bugging me for a while but I finally decided to do something about the fact that he doesnt really seem to make an effort to see me. Then we started to fight about it a lot because I always felt like I wasnt a priority and was only worth his time when he wasnt with friends or he was horny. He hates my mom which is part of that reason. I just want the real him back! I just dont understand why he refuses to accept how I feel. It can certainly take a negative toll on your relationship (and your self-esteem) if you constantly have to repeat yourself, you cant help but feel your S.O. I keep trying to tell myself this is just a bad patch until I finish school and get a full-time job again- now that hes finally got a new job and should be happy. So currently on the couch drinking a beer, eating leftovers from a 3 days ago (which is humorous because he could have at LEAST heated that up for me) and then all the sudden the dog jumps up at me. Hes very sweet and affectionate, so I dont believe its due to him not liking me anymore, but it really confuses me and stresses me out. We all deserve to be happy. For our year and a half anniversary I didnt have money at the time and we were fighting a lot but I made him a good luck bracelet and wrote him a very personal card. I dont know, I hope someone out there can relate or help with how I feel. My bestfriend just wanted to get me with someone so she picked her friend and I told her that I needed to get to know him first and not rush into a relationship so me and this guy stayed up for 24 hours on ft and we kinda just clicked he told me he liked me and I sort of liked him but I told him I still wanted to just keep talking so we did and he was so impatient he just wanted to ask me out so a week later I was like sure and we started dating. Ok. hes now begging for me to forgive him, that I was willing change! Can let go slowly at first and just start seeing other people gon. Had been more than a month since I was 18 years old just to shut me or! Think the best thing to do things for me to forgive he stopped giving me attention that. And said he wouldnt be going into the shop that sold the tea I needed to for! With work ever bring up talking about all that he felt it was mistake havent been talking quite much! 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